Why Parents Are Letting Their Kids Miss School for a Mental Health Day

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Your kid wants to stay home.

But there’s no fever. No vomiting. Not even a runny nose.

They don’t appear to be sick, so surely they can get through the school day, right? I mean, we all have days we don’t feel like going to work or school. But some things we have to do… Right?

“But, mom,” they whine, still clad in PJs and bed head. “I don’t wanna go today.”

You start to panic. Maybe even sweat. As your brain races to decide what to do. 

They have been tired. And irritable. And complaining about stomachaches. 

OK, you decide. Maybe they should stay home.

But wait. What the heck will you tell the school when they ask for the reason they’re out?

They aren’t sick. At least not the way it’s traditionally defined. But your parental intuition is firing all kinds of flares for you to look closer.

And if you’re reading this, chances are, you’re ready to listen to your inner voice. You know your kid isn’t trying to weasel out of school today. They need a break. To rest, regroup and recharge. 

But will the school consider that a justified absence?

That depends.

On your school. And your state. But mostly, it depends on you.

In our house, we call it a “recharge day” and use it to recharge our batteries. But it’s more commonly referred to as a “mental health day” or “self-care day.” And we’re not the only family letting our kids miss school in the name of mental health. 

Parents, medical professionals, and even some states see the need for days like these.

Here’s why.

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Why Guilt Grips Us When We Miss a Day

It’s no wonder we’re hesitant to report our kids sick when they aren’t experiencing physical symptoms.

Most of us were brought up to believe you only miss school if you’re ill. Many schools classify a “justified absence” as illness, medical appointments, funerals or bereavement. 

And even when we have a justified absence, there’s still a negative stigma attached to missing school, making us feel guilty for not being present.

As parents, we’re inundated with school letters reminding us of the importance of attendance. Further stressing that if we allow our child to take a day off, they’ll fall behind.

We can’t blame the schools though. In my state, schools won’t receive state funding for absences due to illness. They need our kids there to make money.

But our guilt over calling in sick goes beyond school.

We follow the same rules in our jobs. Each year we might get 5 sick days, 5 personal days and a 2 week vacation. There isn’t room for us to take a mental health day for ourselves, let alone our kids.

And I get it. It’s a privilege and a luxury that I’m able to grant my kids the ability to miss school for a mental health day. Many, if not most, parents will find taking a day off of work for their child’s mental health day challenging.

The system makes it hard for us to care for our emotional well-being.

But then 2020 came along. Some say it was the year of self-care. The stress of the pandemic forced people to assess their emotional well-being. And many started asking if it was time to take a mental health day. 

And if adults need time off to recharge their batteries, maybe kids need mental health days, too.

Why Students Need Mental Health Days

Still not convinced? You’re not alone. 

Heck, even the Merriam-Webster definition of “mental health day” excludes students: a day that an employee takes off from work in order to relieve stress or renew vitality.

But consider this:

• One in 6 children between the ages of 6-17 in the US experience a mental health disorder each year.
• Suicide is the second leading cause of death in ages 10-34.
• 70% of high school students said their peers struggle with anxiety and depression.
• 50% of all lifetime mental illness begins by age 14, and 75% by age 24.

Our children feel pressure to do well academically and in extracurricular activities. They have to cope with struggles in relationships, family traumas, or existing mental illnesses. And grow up with challenges and fears their parents didn’t: think social media, climate change and school shootings.

For some, it’s no question students need days off to rest and recharge. Two states even give students the option to take mental health days. In 2018 Utah changed their excused absence language for an illness “which may be mental or physical.” And in 2019 a law went into effect in Oregon giving students 5 mental health days within a 3 month period.

“When you’re able to call up and say I’m having a panic attack and can’t come to school today, instead of having to make up a cold, that really begins to normalize the fact that mental health conditions are the same as physical health conditions, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of them,” Dr. Robin Henderson, Chief Executive of Behavioral Health for Providence told Fox 12 Oregon.

We let our kids take recharge days not only because they’re overwhelmed or anxious, but because we want them to learn to identify when they’re mentally under the weather and not be embarrassed to admit it.

The reasons for why students need mental health days is adding up. 

But. I know what you’re thinking. There’s a practicality side of this too.

How to Know if Your Kid Should Take a Mental Health Day

How do we know when our child needs to take a mental health day? 

After all, our lives are busy. Our parental intuition may miss the signs. But here are some to look out for:

• Acting more irritable, angry or short-tempered
• Appearing stressed, worried, overwhelmed or anxious
• Experiencing headaches, stomach aches or other body aches
• Sleeping more, trouble falling asleep or waking up early
• Changing appetite
• Seeming more clingy

In addition to these, I’ve also noticed an increase in tears from my kids is an indicator.

When It’s not OK to Take a Mental Health Day

Be mindful of what’s coming up on the calendar. If my kid has a test, I ask them if they’d rather wait until after the test to take a recharge day. Otherwise, they may spend the entire mental health day stressing about missing the test or a certain assignment, rather than relaxing.

Something else to consider is if your child can realistically afford to miss school. If they’re behind in their work or recently had other absences, it may be worth talking with the staff to get support before deciding to take another day off. 

Also notice if your child wants to take a mental health day to avoid something. Assess if you can work together to solve the issue instead. 

If you feel confident your child needs a mental health day, carefully plan how you want to spend it.

How to Spend a Mental Health Day so You Feel Restored

Firstly, I contact my kids’ teachers. Even if their absence isn’t “justified,” I explain we’re spending the day resting and we’ll make up the work.

Our teachers are understanding. In fact, they even share signs they’ve seen in class that suggest a mental health day may be a good idea.

Next, don’t look at this as a day off of school. Think of it like you would a sick day. 

“Parents need to monitor, spend time, and talk with their child,” Anabel Basulto, a licensed marriage and family therapist for Kaiser Permanente in Santa Ana, CA told Parents.com. “Creating or strengthening a connection is important. There must be a balance between fun and focusing on a solution.”

We keep mental health days at a slower pace. That’s not to say we don’t have fun. But this is a day to decompress, not run errands. This is an opportunity to connect, not further isolation. 

Ways to Students Can Spend Mental Health Days

Here are some ideas of what children can do on a mental health day.

• Rest and relax. Let kids sleep, read, listen to music, play with toys and of course, SNUGGLE! This is also an opportunity to introduce mindfulness, meditation (we use the Calm app with our kids), or go to therapy.
• Be in nature. When children spend time outdoors it increases creativity, reduces stress, and helps those with attention-deficit disorder. Take a mindful walk, hike, garden, play in the yard or gently exercise outside.
• Create something. Tapping into our creativity is a wonderful stress reducer. Encourage children to journal, write, draw, paint, sculpt, sew and even bake. And don’t forget, you’re welcome to join them in this!
• Move the body. Exercise is a fantastic way to get out frustration and pent up feelings. Since this is a day of rest, keep it chill with yoga, stretching, walking, dancing, jogging, bike riding, swimming or playing catch.
• Unplug from screens. Reduce stress by encouraging kids to limit or avoid devices, especially those connected to social media. (See The Social Dilemma for more on children’s mental health and social media.)
• Connect to family. You or another family member should use today to listen attentively to your child. Use the uninterrupted time to talk about what’s troubling your child and let them know they aren’t alone.

And whatever you do, don’t feel guilty for allowing your child to take a mental health day. Because if your child is as intuitive as you, and you feel guilty, chances are, your child will too. And the last thing they need on top of everything else they’re feeling, is guilt weighing them down or stressing them out.

See also: 16 Enchanting Mindfulness Books for Kids—With Kids’ Honest Reviews

A Note About Mental Health Days During COVID

Should children take mental health days during the COVID-19 pandemic? After all, they’ve already missed so much school, right? 

The pandemic brought increased stress and anxiety and the usual methods of coping (individual or team sports, meeting with friends, spending time with friends and teachers) weren’t available. 

Whether your student is distance learning, home schooling, or back in-person, if you sense factors that merit a mental health day, or they request to take one, talk with your child to better understand what’s going on and decide if missing school would be effective.

There’s Still Time to Model Mental Health Matters to Our Kids

Imagine being free of guilt when you call the school to report your child taking a sick day. Because your definition of sick isn’t limited to physical health.

Imagine spending a day with your child of quality connection. Because you know, deep down, something’s up and you want them to know they’re not alone.

Imagine an older version of your child who notices when they need to recharge. Because you modeled that mental health is a priority. 

As a parent who’s given her children “recharge days” for years now, I’ve experienced these outcomes. 

My kids recognize when they’re emotionally under the weather. And the best part? They share that knowledge with my husband and I. 

Gifting us an opportunity to help them learn how to recharge, how to cope and how to heal.

And most importantly, how to make their mental health a priority.

As a parent, I’m thrilled to see other’s caring for the emotional well-being of my children’s generation.

And I’ll do anything I can to further that movement. 

Won’t you?