20 Funny Marriage Quotes that Will Get Both Spouses Laughing

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What makes a funny marriage quote good? 

When both spouses can laugh without hurting the other’s feelings. 

Seriously though. How many quotes have you heard that are at one spouse’s expense or degrade the other in some way?

While some can laugh at those, not all can. 

And I love my hubby too much to hurt his feelings. 

It’s actually because of him that I’m writing this post. 

February marks National Weddings Month, National Marriage Week (February 7-14), and World Marriage Day (February 13). 

Buuuut. February 14, 2022, also marks 20 years since my husband and I went on our first date!

And laughter has always been a big part of our relationship.

So to honor 20 years of laughing together, here are 20 funny quotes about marriage! (And yes, the photo at the top is us on our wedding day, courtesy of Photography by Leanne Reis.)

20 Funny Marriage Quotes

Believe it or not, there are many benefits of laughter to a marriage. Like reducing stress, stimulating the immune system, lifting our spirits, and bringing us closer to our spouse.

So to kick off that process, grab your spouse, cozy up together, and enjoy these funny marriage quotes!

1. “Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
2. “In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf.” —Ruth Bader Ginsberg
3. “The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
4. “I don’t want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad, and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat.” —Mindy Kaling
5. “Had date night tonight. Went to Lowe’s and bought a toilet” —Anonymous
6. “After about 15 years I finally figured out that she’s always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that.” —Barack Obama
7. “A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.” —Anonymous
8. “Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”—Mae West
9. “In my house, I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.” —Woody Allen
10. “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
11. “And do you solemnly swear to protect me from spiders as long as we both shall live?” —Anonymous
12. “Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass.” —Mac MacGuff in Juno
13. “If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say ‘Now you’re super mad!’ If they laugh marry them.” —Anonymous
14. “Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” —Kathy Mohnke
15. “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness–and call it love–true love.” —Robert Fulgham
16. “The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” —Rick Reilly
17. “Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time.” —Chris Rock
18. “Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It’s not an adventure. You do more before five than most folks do all day.” —Sinbad
19. “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.” —Ogden Nash
20. “Look, you want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up, she’s there. You come back from work, she’s there. You fall asleep, she’s there. You eat dinner, she’s there. You know? I mean, I know that sounds like a bad thing, but it’s not.” —Ray Barone

What Funny Quotes About Marriage Were Your Favorite?

I hope you enjoyed these hilarious, yet loving, marriage sayings! For more posts on relationships, check out how to foster teamwork in marriage. And to help you celebrate your marriage in February, check out this Valentine’s Day craft you can make for your kids or your spouse!

Let me know in the comments which quotes were your favorite and please share these with your friends or pin to Pinterest so you can come back for more laughs! 📌

Stay mindful, even when your mind’s full,
~Chelsea