How to Mindfully Talk About Veganism with Friends and Family

5K

Meat Eaters: “Why do vegans always want to talk about veganism? I feel so judged.”

Vegans: “Why don’t meat eaters ever want to talk about veganism? I feel so alone.”

Friends and family: “I love you and want to know what’s going on in your life. Even if I don’t understand.”

We know our relationships with loved ones are important. And when something in our life changes, like choosing to go vegan, we hope it doesn’t negatively impact our relationships. 

One way to ensure this doesn’t happen is to be honest and open with each other. But when two sides strongly, or even moderately, disagree, peaceful communication is challenging.

It takes finesse, (and pride-swallowing) but it’s totally doable. 

If we approach this mindfully, and tap into the thoughts and feelings of our friends and family, we can talk about veganism with compassion, clarity and calmness. 

As my family approaches our 2nd Veganniversary, we continue to talk about being vegan to friends and family because it’s still new to us and them. 

And over the past two years, we’ve found success with the points below. Here’s our guide for how to mindfully (and compassionately) talk about veganism. 

Remember Where You Came From

Most of us weren’t vegan at birth. We ate meat. Drank milk. And enjoyed melted cheese like the majority of the population. And if a vegan approached us in that “before time,” chances are, we wouldn’t give up any of those familiar foods.

Put yourself in your pre-vegan shoes. Remember what that felt like. How huge the concept of going vegan seemed back then. 

Now, as you consider how to tell people you are vegan, sympathize with all the other people out there who are just like the pre-vegan you. Ask yourself how pre-vegan you would embrace a talk about veganism. Then carry that knowledge with you when you interact with nonvegans. 

Wait for an Opportune Moment

Before going vegan, if you and a friend grabbed lunch, your conversation probably revolved around catching up on each other’s lives. How often did you talk about where the food you ordered came from, how it was raised, the effects of its production, or if you should eat it?

Rarely, right? So why start now? Ask yourself if it’s necessary to talk about veganism at this moment.

You don’t have to tell people you’re vegan until the right situation presents itself. Like if you’re planning a menu for a party or attending a get-together where food will be served at someone’s house. Hint: the most opportune moment usually isn’t around the dining table.

Let Your Actions Speak Louder—Lead by Example

Do we want more vegans in the world? Definitely. Do we need advocates in order to promote veganism? Of course. Do we need to push veganism on people like some sort of religion they need to convert to? 

Heck no. We don’t want people to feel threatened or scared. We want them to feel inspired. Sure, our words can do that. They have power. But when spreading the good news about going vegan, our actions have more. 

Let’s lead by example. Let’s show others how much fun we have exploring animal-free alternatives. Let’s share our recipes and favorite menu items at restaurants. Let’s remember the examples of other vegans who inspired us. And then let’s spread that kindness by being the motivation for others.

Edit Yourself While Nonvegans Eat

How awkward is it when you’re enjoying a delicious meal and someone interrupts to ask you where the protein is in your meal? Or why your vegan dish is any better than their nonvegan dish? When we have to describe the food we eat, while it’s in front of us, it gets incredibly awkward. We get nervous, embarrassed, anxious and possibly even lose our appetite. 

If we hate it so much, why would we make meat-eaters feel that way?

Unless you’re asked about the food on your company’s plate, don’t talk about it. Especially while they’re eating. They don’t need to hear your words to notice your plate looks different than it used to or different than their plate. Your example is loud enough.

Be Clear when Talking About Veganism

Why? Because some people don’t know what “vegan” means. What’s the difference between vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, and so on? Not everyone knows. 

Enlighten them. But communicate clearly. And unless you’re a health care professional, do NOT give nutritional or medical advice. If they have specific dietary questions or need advice, refer them to their doctor or nutritionist. 

When talking about veganism, keep it concise and calm. It’s easy to get fired up. But our emotions can cause us to share opinions rather than facts. We want our friends and family to understand what going vegan means. When we clearly and calmly share that information, they’ll walk away knowing vegans refrain from eating and using all animal products.

Veganism is a philosophy and way of living which seeks to exclude—as far as is possible and practicable—all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose; and by extension, promotes the development and use of animal-free alternatives for the benefit of animals, humans and the environment. In dietary terms it denotes the practice of dispensing with all products derived wholly or partly from animals.

–The Vegan Society

Bypass Judgement and Guilt

Nobody likes the judgy vegan who talks about cute piglets while his siblings eat bacon. Or sends her burger-eating BFFs on a guilt trip for contributing to Antarctic ice melt.

Do we want more people to go vegan? Heck yes! But we want others to feel inspired. Not threatened. When have you ever felt motivated to do something after someone guilts you into it? Um. Almost never.

You and I came into our vegan journey when it was right for us. If our friends and family decide to embark on it, they’ll do so when it’s right for them. And if we’ve let our actions speak louder than our words, and lead by example, I almost guarantee they’ll reach out when they go vegan.

Use “I Statements” to Keep the Focus on You

Our loved ones want an explanation. They’ll ask questions like Why go vegan? How do you go vegan? People who care about us want to know why we do what we do in life. And we should totally share. 

One way to share our opinions without coming across hostile or judgmental, and instead more heart-felt, is to focus on why you’re going vegan. Do this by using “I statements.”

Here are some examples: “I wanted to go vegan to see how it affected my cholesterol.” Or “I feel sad when I think about the pollution caused by factory farming.” Or “I feel bad hurting animals.” Using I statements like these lessen the likelihood of listeners feeling attacked. It’s hard to argue with someone’s feelings.

Tackle Tough Questions and Concerns with Composure

Our friends and family care about us, so they understandably ask questions like, “Where will you get your protein?” if they don’t know protein isn’t only found in meat. Expect questions about calcium, B12, soy and so much more. Do these sentiments bring up emotions and retorts—like, “Do you currently track how much protein you eat?”—inside our brain and heart? Absolutely. But does that help anyone?

Nope. Why? Because our loved ones may genuinely be curious. Are you expected to have all the answers? Again, nope. But you can try your best. 

Keeping your composure and compassion, explain what you know. And, if they seem interested, share where you get your information so they can research if they’d like.

Know When to Bow Out—and How to Do so Peacefully

Some conversations aren’t worth having. However, usually the relationship with the person in the conversation is worth keeping. So how do we share this intensely emotional decision with people we love when they’re unreceptive to it?

Frankly, we don’t. Sometimes, it’s better to bow out. Here’s when you should stop talking about veganism:

• While eating. Especially if there’s any animal products on the table.
• If the person has no respect or interest in veganism.
• If jabs, hurtful remarks or name calling occur.
• If they make fun of you or veganism.
• If they don’t listen or let you speak. 
• If they refuse to believe evidence, research or data. 
• If aggression occurs or seems like it may occur.
• If you feel yourself becoming angry or upset. (There are many stereotypes about vegans—be it angry, self-righteous or preachy—let’s not feed into those.)

Yes, veganism is important to us. But so are our relationships with friends and family. Knowing when to peacefully excuse ourselves can maintain those relationships.

Find Your Cheerleaders

Guess what? There are people—groups of people—who will be super stoked and supportive when you tell them you went vegan! I’m one of them and you can always share your good news with me on Instagram! 

OK, so technically, these people probably aren’t your friends. YET! But they will be! Find support groups and cheerleaders who love to talk about veganism. Here you can share your wins, admit your defeats and stay inspired. Here you can discuss veganism to greater depths. 

These support groups are a must. Especially if you’re surrounded by negative interactions with others about your decision to go vegan. You’ll find tons of love and understanding amongst fellow vegans.

Inspire and Support the Curious

Thankfully, not everyone we talk to about going vegan shuts us down. And, several even express curiosity and want to know more! The prospect of motivating others to try veganism is exciting! Especially if you don’t know many other vegans. 

But if someone you know is curious, it doesn’t mean they want to jump into the vegan pond right away. Inquiring about veganism and entering the vegan community is intimidating. We can help by being welcoming and supportive. Share your sources of inspiration and knowledge. Go slow. Be genuine, honest and nonjudgmental. 

Let your actions speak louder than preachy words. Be a source of strength and compassion. Your family and friends’ curiosity will continue to bloom under your kind-hearted care.

Can I Really Talk About Veganism Without Confrontation?

Definitely. But controversial conversations like this require finesse. 

Imagine hanging out with your nonvegan friends and what’s on your plate doesn’t jeopardize your relationship. 

Imagine eating a meal without defending what you’re eating or questioning what your friend is eating.

Imagine others asking you for more information about what you’re doing because they can tell you’re enjoying yourself. 

These things are possible. Yes, you’ll encounter uncomfortable and perhaps even combative discussions. But try to stay calm, clear and compassionate. If you feel yourself get upset, walk away. If you bowed out too late, that’s OK. You’ll have an opportunity to try again. If an introvert like myself can get through loads of these conversations by using the steps above, I know you can too! 

Did I miss something? Let me know in the comments below! 👇👇👇

P.S. This post was written with a series of posts to celebrate Veganuary. Here are the other posts in the series:

• Why Go Vegan? Our Family Tells All, Yes Even the Kids!
• How to Go Vegan in 2021: 10 Tips for Vegan Beginners (and Families)
• 10 Supportive Steps to Help Parents Gently Transition Kids to a Vegan Diet

Stay mindful, even when your mind’s full, 
~Chelsea